I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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