Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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