Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
