if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
