I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
