the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Randomize
