Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
