I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
