I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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