thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
