Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
