my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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