I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
