This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
