I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize