So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
