just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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