I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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