farters have to be the big spoon...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
