there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
