she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I came so hard my ears popped.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
