He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
