I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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