Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize