I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
