The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
