I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
