I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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