This is not my ceiling
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
