So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've blown a few things in my day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
