If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
