i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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