I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
