im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
