Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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