will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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