A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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