Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize