Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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