I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
