would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
