If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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