I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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