I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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