$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
