its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
