Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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