Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
