Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
