how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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