Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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