I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just invented taco cereal.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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