You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
