Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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