I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
