Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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