we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
