You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize