Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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