she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
