Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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