didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
