im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
