naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
