I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
