I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she looked like the before picture.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
