Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
