her vagine was all disorganized.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
