Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
