It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
