Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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