I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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