Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
