she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
