So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Jerry, you need to find god
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
